Monday, February 28, 2011

Top 10 Things Americans Say When They Meet A British Person

Being a "British guy" living in Indiana, I've heard the strangest, most unexpected questions and comments from Americans who either want to know a little more about British culture, or who, deep down, probably can't think of anything better to say. Here's a list of the most frequent.


1. "Wow, I could just listen to you talk all day." This has to be the most common sentence uttered and possibly the most difficult one to respond to. What does one say, other than "the cassette is in the mail?"

2. "So, which part of Australia are you from?" Actually, this is the hardest one to respond to.

3. "Do you have any cute brothers back home who I can marry?" This particular question is just funny. In order for the person in question to ever marry one of my brothers, he/she would most likely have to relocate to England itself, where, it should be said, he/she would find numerous desirable men other than my brothers.

4. "I just want to stand you in the corner and listen to you talk." This creepy turn of phrase would be endearing where it not so utterly objectifying. Why don't you just put a dunce's hat on me while you're at it?

5. "So, do you call it football or soccer?" This question I can live with, but for the record, I call it "football" when I'm in England and "soccer" when I'm in the U.S.

6. "Don't you guys in England drive on the wrong side of the road?" Even if we do (which we don't), which of the two countries do you suppose has the higher ratio of automobile accidents?

7. "Please say the word "rubbish."" I only respond to this one on the proviso that I am not also required to utter the phrases "jolly good," "on your bike, lad" and "I'll have milk with my tea and crumpets", lest I become a performing monkey.

8. "Why in God's name did you leave England to come here?" Clearly, so that I could be asked the same old questions over and over again.

9. "Do you guys celebrate July 4?" Does the Empire celebrate the Rebel victory at the end of Return of the Jedi?

10. "Let me guess; Kentucky, right?" I give up.

8 comments:

Matthew said...

It's good to know after all these years you can continue to make me smile Loz

Laurence Brown said...

I do what I can, Matt. Thanks for the follow. I shall return it in kind.

thomasthurman.org said...

Being a British guy living in Pennsylvania, I recognise all of this.

S.E.Holmes said...

As a life-long Hoosier, all I can say is I'm sorry.

kris said...

Serves you right for talkin' all funny.

Laurence Brown said...

Haha. Indeed, Kris, your comment almost made the list. Lol.

kris said...

I guess I'm just not quite good enough... :(

Anonymous said...

Lol, now I'm going to acquire a British accent and then tell everyone I'm actually from Texas.

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