Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Dear Britain, Not All Americans Have Perfect, White Teeth

Dear Britain, I am writing to let you (and a certain number of your population) know that, contrary to popular belief, not all Americans have perfect, white teeth.

Though there are plenty of high profile celebrities who take considerable pride in their dental make-up, we have to remember that people like Steve Buscemi exist.

Steve Buscemi - one of the most popular character actors of his generation - is by no means blessed with favorable dentures. As a matter of fact, his teeth lend themselves more to a certain British stereotype than an American one.

But he's Steve Buscemi, so it doesn't matter.

And it's not just famous people who go against the grain: if you've ever lived, as I have, in Small Town, USA, you'll have encountered those individuals with no teeth at all. You know, the meth addicts.

All I'm saying, Britain, is that you cannot just go around assuming that all Americans have perfect smiles. If they did, there would be no place in American society for 32-ounce Coca Cola. And Jolly Ranchers.

While it is statistically true that every American child since 1952 has worn braces at some point, this is no guarantee that said child will develop a perfect array of whiter-than-white teeth. And just because the American Dental Association is cool with bleaching, doesn't mean America is devoid of yellow be-toothed citizens! That's because there's this little thing called "smoking."

And at about 30 billion packets sold in the U.S. annually, America knows a thing or two about smoking.

So before you start making wild, offensive generalisations about Americans, just remember that some so-called Yanks are pig ugly unique in their oral structure. 

Sincerely,
A British expat.   

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2 comments:

Watertown Dentist said...

Excessive smoking is one main reason why some Americans don't have white teeth.

Melissa S. said...

Smoking, meth and don't forget the Mt. Dew. http://www.npr.org/blogs/thesalt/2013/09/12/221845853/mountain-dew-mouth-is-destroying-appalachias-teeth

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