British English probably has somewhere in the region of 142 billion euphemisms for the act of lovemaking alone; the more light-hearted among these include verbs such as bonk, shag, bed, roger and the nouns a bit of how's your father and rumpy pumpy. In American English, you have home run (which, like many U.S. sex words, derives from baseball), get some booty, tap that ass and pound the punanni pavement.
If those weren't themselves outlandish enough, just take a look at the terms each nation employs to describe human genitalia. If they're not in the mood to keep their euphemisms light (as in bits and bobs and/or meat and two veg), Brits will turn to phrases such as cock and bollocks to describe the combo of penis and testicles, while the Americans keep it short (no pun intended) with package (note: this can often mean just penis).
On the subject of penises (certainly not a clause I thought I'd ever write), Britain has an appallingly high number of words for this particular reproductive organ. Brits know it invariably as schlong, willie, thingy, knob, tadger, John Thomas, and tool. Aside from package, Americans call it meat popsicle, johnson, wiener, and even—drum roll—Mr. Happy!
And in the interest of equality, female genitalia has also been putting itself about (yep, awful choice of words). In British English, the vagina is famously referred to as fanny, but we'd be remiss to forget the following rather questionable euphemisms: minge, muff, lady passage, flange and—I can't believe I'm typing this—Brian May's plughole.
Terms for oral sex that are exclusive to one country over the other are hard to come by (the puns write themselves these days, don't they?). That said, I was able to find—cunning linguist that I am—the following gems: bob on a knob, have a nosh, gobble and garden (from Cockney rhyming slang: garden gate; fellate) are all native to British English, while the Americans return to baseball for inspiration with third base.
Because no article about sexual euphemisms would be complete without it, here's a comparison of terms for masturbation. The most famous British term for this is wanking off, though tossing off is perfectly permissible as well. In America, one might say beating off, passing math and, yes, dating Rosie Palm and her five friends.
What other sexual euphemisms are exclusive to either the UK or U.S.? Also, what are some of your favo(u)rite and least favo(u)rite terms? Let us know in the comments below.